Morbid

Death is a terrible business.
Even when it's expected, if someone has been ill for a long time, it still comes as a surprise, doesn't it. And it's still just as sad.  It doesn't make it any LESS sad just because we know someone isn't doing well and we expect them to leave this world anytime.

Death is a horrible business.
Listening to all the questions you need to answer. And listening to a funeral home representative prattle along, trying to keep things upbeat.  It's tiring, when all you want to do I suspect is get the funeral organised and over and done with.  You don't really want to hear about what she thinks is funny, or how she thinks the day is very nice, or that she thinks we might get rain tomorrow.  You don't really want her opinion on how it's 'okay to feel relieved' like she needs to give your permission how to feel.  You don't want to hear how he's 'sleeping' now. Because he's bloody not asleep. He's dead. He doesn't feel anything.

Death is undignified, no matter how you look at it.
Deciding what to dress the deceased in for the funeral and cremation.
Being told he's been shaved and cleaned.
Knowing at that very moment, he is in a cold refridgerated room.
Gone.

I helped, yesterday, sitting in on funeral arrangements for husbands grandfather. And it made me realise how grateful i am for the family that I have around me.  Grateful for the people that are my friends.  And yet at the same time it mades you wonder about the mortality of all those people, and yourself.  How long do you have left? How long does anyone have left? Will it be sudden? Will you realise it's happening? Will it be long and drawn out? Will there be time to say goodbye?
I usually avoid thinking about these things. And even now my brain wants to push the thoughts away but maybe it's important to think about these things. Because you just never know.